oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
