I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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