im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
