Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
