I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
