ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
