4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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