If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
