My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
