I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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