forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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