Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
