we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
