making cat noises will not fix the situation.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
