She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
