it wasn't lemon gatorade
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
