apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
