he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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