She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
