She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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