It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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