it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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