saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
