And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
