you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
