All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
