I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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