Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
