My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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