I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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