high people should be assigned attendants
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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