I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
