Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
