Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
