In America we eat man semen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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