thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
