He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
