also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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