come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
