think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My life is pants optional.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
