Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
