me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
