Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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