I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
