I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
