Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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