'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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