i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
