wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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