You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
