nut hugger
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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