and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize