Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
