can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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