just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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