Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
