Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
