I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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