so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
