It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
