Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
