Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
