ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
