I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
