Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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