Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
