I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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