I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
