Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
