The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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