So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
