I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
