Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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