ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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