Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
