Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
