I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
