There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
