I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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