maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
